heres a good one................

An office manager had money problems & had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill.

He thought hed fire the employee who came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early.

Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break.

Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk.

Then the manager thought hed wait & see who would leave work the earliest, and both employees stayed until after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack so the manager thought he would simply be honest and ask her advice.

He went up to her and said, "Jill, I have a terrible problem. I dont know whether to lay you or Jack off." Jill said, "Well, youd better jack off - Im late for my bus."

 

haha, pay for the cab^^

 

n we say gay jokes? just checken first..heard a slightly screwed up one today...

 

i beleive they should be acceptable

 

ok got this from a buddy this morning

OK 3 gay guys are sittin in a bar drinkin whine coolers....and they start talking about what they would do if one of them died. They decided they would cremate the person that died. So a year later one of the gay guys does die. Well they cremate him and split up the ashes. So one gay guy says "what are you going to do with your ashes?" He says "im going to throw them in the river couse he loved water, What are you doing with yours?" So the other gay guy replys "Im going to put his ashes in a pot of chile so he can tear my *** up one last time"....LOL i found it humerous.

 

ha ha ha funny but at the same time a little disturbing

 

7 reasons not to mess with children.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was Physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;
it was physically impossible.

The little girl said,
"When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked,
"What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied , "Then you ask him ".


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said,
"But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
"They will in a minute."


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked,
"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
"Thou shall not kill."


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,
"Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied,
"Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,
'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or
'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out,
"And there's the teacher, she's dead."


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note,
"Take all you want.
God is watching the apples.

a little long but funny

 

haha. love that gay joke, i gunna tell it to a few ppl at school tomorrow... that one is great.

 

hahaha ba3kgt, those were awesome

 

i know mine are kinda long but i got one more.

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may
not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk
beside me either. Just pretty much
leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

i lied i have more and yeah there long. ill post them a little bit later.