I always love good jokes. Keep um comming

 

So far the Wisconsin ones in the lead... followed up by good ol' "Chunks the dog", lol

 

all of these are great.. the ninja and nun joke... when i first read it i was like, that's stupid. i thought about it about 20 seconds later and couldn't stop laughing lol i love those.

 

here's an old one and i CAN'T BELIVE i still remember it:
-a fly is flying above a pond one day and see's some food floating on the top
-inthe pond a lil fish sees the fly and says "i see, that fly is going to get that food and i'm going to get the fly"
-a bear is at the edge and says "i see, the fly is going to get the food, that fish is going to get the fly and i'm going to get the fish"
-on the other side of the pond a hunter spots the bear and says "i see, the fly is going to get the food the fish is gonna get the fly, the bear is gonna get the fish and i'm going to shoot the bear"
-a small mouse is behind the hunter and says "i see, the fly is going to get the food, the fish is going to get the fly, the bear is going to get the fish, the hunter is going to shoot the bear and a small piece of cheese is going to fall out of his pocket for me to get"
-a cat is behind the mouse and says "i see, the fly is going to get the food, the fish is going to get the fly, the bear is going to get the fish, the hunter is going to shoot the bear and a small piece of cheese is going to fall out of the hunter's pocket for the mouse and i'm going to get it!"
sooooo.... the fly goes goes down to get the food, the fish goes and snags the fly, that bear grabs the fish, the hunter shoots the bear, surely enough some cheese falls out of the hunter's pocket for the mouse to get, the cat jumps at the mouse but the mouse moves out of the way and the cat falls into the pond. . . what's the moral of the story my friends?
every time the fly drops the ***** gets wet

 

haha, long story but funny..

 

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and that i would have to quit.

Then I caught her spending $65 for makeup.

I asked her how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't.

She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

 

nice!
i read in a medical journal that drinking will kill your liver quicker so i quit drinking
i read later in another journal that smoking could kill your lungs, so i quit smoking
i read later in yet another journal that sex could kill you from disease... ****, i quit reading!

 

lol heard those before but still funny as hell! i got some jokes but they could be considered racist or sexist so i will not post them lol

 

im gunna change it up a bit. i got some rediculous questions....

-Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?
-Why cant woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?
-Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?
-If the professor on Gilligans Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why cant he fix a hole in a boat?
-Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? Theyre both dogs.
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
-Why is it that when someone tells you that theres billions of stars in the universe,
you believe them. But if they tell you theres wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?
-Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ***?
-Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?
-what color does a smurf turn when you choke it?

 

my pick up lines LOL

-im not a gynecologist but i can take a look.
-i like your pants can i talk you out of them.
-are you tired? couse youve been running through my mind all day.