A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!",
"I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!",
she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" ,
"DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says,
"See honey - its not that hard."

 

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me." The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry.'

 

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part
of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as it was on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

 

Jose and Carlos are panhandling at the freeway off ramp.

Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of
money to spend.

Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.

Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills
every day.

Jose says, "Look at your sign." It reads: "I have no work, a wife & 6
kids to support"

Carlos looks at Jose's sign.

It reads: "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico."

 

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?"
She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before."
So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.
A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks,
"You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"

 

HAHAHAHA!!! that one is good

 

The Top 10 Unintentionally, worst company URLs

1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the
agent that represents a celebrity.
Their domain name - www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views - www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than PenIsland -
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try to find one at www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there's the Italian branch of PowerGen -
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South
Wales - www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for computer software, and you're desperate -
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the FirstCummingMethodistChurch. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their
wacky website: www.speedofart.com

10. And finally - want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure
website - www.gotahoe.com

 

ROFL!!

 

Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his *****. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"

The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".

 

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpes - that’s why I am here!"